


you can't be missed if you never go away

by haecates



Category: Batman (Comics), Grayson (Comics), Nightwing (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Teen Titans (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Roommates/Housemates, F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-06-10 06:17:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6943258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/haecates/pseuds/haecates
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Say you love me.” Roy says one morning, his smile all big and proud, like when he does a really nice trick while playing the drums.</p><p>Dick arches one eyebrow “What did you do?”</p><p>“Remember Jason?”</p><p>He does. He does because Jason really fucking hates him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Roy opens his eyes slowly, his vision all foggy and he isn’t sure if he’s still dreaming or awake until he hears the knock on the door. He grabs his phone to check the time, but all he can see is the notifications from Dick popping up on his screen. He doesn’t even have time — or concentration — to read them, they fade as fast as they show up.

He drags himself out of bed, punches the wall until he can find the switch to turn on the lights and his eyes burn from the bad decision as soon as he does it. _Roy, I can see the light on_. He hears, from outside the door, even though it seems to come from further.

_What the fuck, Dick?_

He unlocks the door and is ready to curse at his best friend as soon as he opens the door, but what he finds is Dick Grayson, golden son and owner of the most beautiful smile he has ever seen, looking nothing like himself. His cheeks are rosy and his hair all messy, he has a two backpacks with him and his eyes are just as red as the first time they got high together — somehow, Roy thinks this is not the case.

“Can I… Can I stay here?” His voice sounds completely broken, and Roy doesn’t even think before opening the door a little bit more. Dick drags himself in, he looks even more tired than Roy, who worked until about an hour ago and had no more than thirty minutes of sleep.

_What happened?_ , Roy wants to ask, but he knows. He knows because once, less than four years ago, it was him moving out of Oliver’s house, knocking on Jason’s door and begging for a hug and a place to stay.

He walks to the couch, sits right by his best friend’s side and hugs him. Dick doesn’t even pretend like he doesn’t need it, he falls into his arms like it’s a safe harbor and Roy messes his hair a little bit more, kisses his forehead and hums a song he and Kori played earlier. Dick almost smiles and that’s the saddest thing Roy has ever seen.

……………

Donna finds them next morning and ask even less questions than Roy did. Dick only talks about it a few days after and it’s a brief comment, something Bruce used to do and his voice breaks mid-sentence, Roy intertwines his fingers with him and Donna does a great job at hiding how worried she is.

A few weeks after, Dick is still sleeping on the couch. Donna and Roy’s apartment is very small — it’s really all they can afford with the money he makes on the tattoo parlour and that she makes as a bartender. It has a room, which they share, a tiny bathroom and there’s no clear definition of what’s the kitchen and what’s the living room. Dick sleeps on the couch while facing the fridge and, whenever he is there, Donna and Roy have to spend all their time in their tiny messy room.

It not that they don’t want him there, it’s just that–

“I could swear I bought cereal.” Donna says one morning, she worked two nights in a roll and even Roy won’t get too near her when she’s this tired.

Dick is on the couch, all spread up, texting Wally, probably. He laughs and doesn’t really look at her.

“Dick.” She says and he laughs, probably not at her, probably at some stupid picture Wally sent him on snapchat, but it is enough to get to clench her jaw. Roy gets out of the bathroom, his hair still all damp and a towel around his waist. “Baby, did you see my deodor–”

“Dick.” Her voice is louder this time and he looks up, still grinning from whatever is that funny. Roy almost hears his brain screaming danger at the way she looks at Dick, but it’s too late to intervene or to try and warn him.

“Yeah, D.?” He says, sits up on the couch as if he hadn’t spent his whole life on a goddamn mansion and is completely used to the mess they live in. Donna sighs.

“Look, Grayson, this apartment is too tiny for me and Roy and I just… Will you go back to the manor?”

Dick looks at her as if she offended three generations of his family and he crosses his arms in front of his chest. “You want me to leave.” He says, very quietly. Roy is not really sure if it’s for her or for him.

“I… If you’re really moving out, you should start your own life, I mean, you don’t want to hear me and Roy fucking for the rest of your life, do you?”

Dick chuckles a little, his cheeks all red with shame. He looks around, at the mess he made — his backpacks are open, a few clothes falling out of it and he isn’t really wearing nothing but pajama pants. He is not sure what was the last time he left the couch — but it probably was to eat the cereal she had been looking for a few minutes before.

“Sorry I ate your cereal.” He says, his voice so low it doesn’t even look like him. Donna walks up to him, sits by his side and holds his arm. “You’re a mess, Dick Grayson-Wayne.”

“Dick Grayson.” He says, even lower. And that’s when Roy is sure it was really a hell of a fight.

……………

He doesn’t move out immediately. He considers staying with Wally, but then Wally still lives with his sister and brother-in-law and Barry knows Bruce and it just isn’t a good idea. He also thinks about staying with Tim, since he was the whole reason for this mess, but he figures the last thing he wants to hear is his little brother fucking. Even less if the guy is M. — he never asked how it works, when Tim is all tiny and skinny and M. is basically one of those guys on gay porn ads, and if he thinks about it for more than one second, he is sure he doesn’t _want_ to ask. He tries to look for roommates on a facebook group, but all of them look suspicious or scary and Dick doesn’t even answer their messages.

“Say you love me.” Roy says one morning, his smile all big and proud, like when he does a really nice trick while playing the drums.

Dick arches one eyebrow “What did you do?”

“Remember Jason?”

He does.

He does because Jason really fucking hates him. He was Roy’s roommate before he moved in with Donna and Dick avoided their house as if it was a plague — it’s not like the guy has ever done anything against him, he was just incredibly unpleasant. “Yeah, a little”

“His roommate is moving out.” Roy starts and Dick wants to say no, wants to lie and say he found one nice room he can totally pay with the cash he managed to take out of the bank before he broke the credit card Bruce gave him, but it’s been two more weeks and he can almost see Donna getting more and more tired. He knows it’s not personal and that she loves him and they’ll still be friends, some people were just not made to live together.

“When do I move in?” He asks, pretending not to be terrified.

……………

Jason’s apartment is way bigger than Roy’s. It has two rooms and there’s actually a counter delimiting what’s the kitchen and what’s the living room. There’s a not-so-big TV and the couch is way better than what he’s been sleeping for more than a month now.

“Rose is leaving on Friday.” Jason starts, looking at Dick a little suspiciously. “So you can come in on Saturday, Roy said you have almost nothing to bring.”

“Two backpacks.” Dick says, still looking around like a child on a candy store.

“Weren’t you _gazillionaire_?” Jason laughs a little and Dick’s body language changes completely. He looks Jason in the eye and his laugh dies on his lips. “Alright, not questioning your life choices, pretty boy, just need to know you can pay.”

“I can pay.” Dick says, he doesn’t even ask how much it is, but Jason is pretty damn sure he has all the Wayne cash on those two backpacks, so he asks no further questions.

……………

Turns out, he can’t pay.

“What do you mean you don’t have the money?” Jason asks him. It’s the third and the rent will be due in two days. He just asked Dick about it to remind him, he knows how rich boys simply forget these things are supposed to be paid for — he did live with trust fund baby Roy Harper for three years.

“I… Bought a bed.” Dick says, casually.

“You bought a fucking bed.” Jason’s voice is calm, but his eyes are in for the kill. They’re all dark and he is pretty sure he can break the doorknob if he presses on it too hard, so he lets it go and is left looking at Dick, all innocent and pretty and a fucking asshole, while he tries to figure out how the fuck will he pay for rent.

“Can’t you ask for more time?” Dick asks and he should regret throwing his phone at him. Should regret because he screams as if the world ended and because it leaves a purple bruise right on top of his left eyebrow.

He doesn’t regret it for Dick, though.

He regrets it because now he needs to find a way to pay rent _and_ fix his phone’s screen.

……………

He works double shifts for two days in a row, rests for one and works two more double shifts before he can pay for the rent — three days later than he should. His landlord looks at him as if he would murder him if given the chance, and Jason has no doubt about it.

When he gets home, Dick is eating popcorn and watching a black and white movie without a care in the world. He waves at him and Jason sighs, walks into the living room and turns the TV off. Dick complains, licks his salty lips and looks up to Jason waiting for what he has to say.

He isn’t even sure of what he’s about to say until he starts. “You’re getting a job.”

“What?” Dick looks like a confused puppy.

“A job, ex-rich boy, the rent won’t pay on its own.”

He opens his mouth to say what Jason is pretty damn sure is some crappy remark, so he cuts him in. “Look, Roy is my friend, but if I’m going to pay the rent alone, you might as well leave.”

“Thanks.” Dick says, his cheeks all red and Jason walks out of the room, leaves him there with his thoughts and self-pity.

……………

It’s been two months since Dick left the manor, but Bruce has been as predictable as always. He tries to call him twice in the morning, twice around noon and then five times at night. Near midnight, he texts Dick that they can talk. Every night, he deletes the text and moves on his new bed, gets on a comfortable position and tries to plan the next day before falling asleep.

Some nights, he just panics. He is sure he is doing it wrong, that he was supposed to leave Bruce’s house with his blessing. Bruce would have given him a nice apartment downtown, near enough so he could drive his foreign car to his job at Wayne Enterprises — some job in which he wouldn’t have to do much, he was never really good at anything business related, that was more of Tim’s thing.

Tim, who had left first to live with his eight years older boyfriend.

Dick laughs a little, trying to make any sense of his life right now. He looks at the ceiling of Roy’s old bedroom and sighs, remembers all the times he slept on Roy’s bed because he was too drunk to go home and left in the morning, early enough so Jason wouldn’t see him.

His phone buzzes.  _Dick, come back home._

He can almost see Bruce typing it on the dark of his office and he feels his heart sinking, so he covers himself and closes his eyes.

When he dreams, he dreams about he and Tim and Damian running after Titus the day Damian first got him. Bruce watches them sitting on the stairs, a smile on his lips.

He gets up the next morning and washes the dry tears out of his face.

……………

“Say you love me.” Roy says in the morning, he is smiling like he does when he has a _great idea_. Dick is familiar with all of them — he has never been able to say no to him, so he always hops with him on all his adventures. Once they decided they could drive to Mexico, but since they didn’t exactly warn anyone, it took about twelve hours for both Bruce and Oliver to have men on their backs and bring their home as if they were lost puppies. Bruce didn’t say a thing. Oliver said too much.

That’s when Roy left his house.

“I’m super poor, Roy, I can’t drive to Canada.”

Roy laughs and it’s like there’s not a single problem in the world. After all this years, it’s still Dick’s favorite sound. “They have a spot on the gym Donna works.”

Dick hugs him and it’s not the first time. They hugged plenty of times, but this is probably the most genuine hug he ever gave someone in his life.

……………

“How are things going?” Tim asks on the phone, his voice is a little muffled, but still his voice. The tiny piece of family he managed to not fuck up.

“Weird, but I think I’m getting better.” Dick says, he is on his bed and Jason is in with the boy that is always around. He never really asked about him, but he won’t leave the room when he’s there. It’s really fucking boring.

“M. won’t let me cook anymore, I’m terrible at it.” He laughs and it’s peaceful. And it’s a sign. And it’s makes him lighter, it’s a voice that hears _You did the right thing_. “I miss Alfred.”

“Me too.” His voice a little lower than the usual. It’s as if he is whispering a secret.

_Rich boys who run from home don’t get to miss it, right?_

……………

He is too hungry to care and Roy told him he lives there too and he has every right to walk around the common area while Jason has guests. Dick isn’t used to disagree with Roy so he leaves his room, not really looking at Jason and The Boy in the couch, goes directly to the kitchen to grab some cereal.

“You didn’t tell me he was pretty.” The boy says and Jason grins, looks at Dick who is extra trying not to focus on them, putting way too much cereal on his bowl.

“He gets less pretty once you get to know him.” The boy laughs, keeps looking. “Hey, new guy, I’m Kyle!”

Dick looks at them because he has to — he was never shy, but his cheeks are flushed. Is a power Jason has. “I’m Dick.”

“I know.” The guy says, meaningfully and then his phone beeps warning him there is a new text. “I got to go, Gardner will blow the bar up without me.”

He kisses Jason in a way that’s almost too obscene for Dick to look at. Still,  _he does_.

“Your boyfriend?” Dick asks, trying to start a conversation now that they’re alone in the same room. Jason laughs and it’s not like when Tim laughs and he feels like he could win over the world. Jason laughs at him and he feels like disappearing.

“Ex-boyfriend.”

……………

Jason isn’t alone the first time the phone rings. He is on Kyle’s apartment, all naked on his couch as his ex-boyfriend paints yet another piece based on him. There’s an unlit cigarette in between his lips and, when he moves to answer it, Kyle curses at him in spanish. He understands half of it because his mother used to speak portuguese in the house all his childhood long, but once Kyle gets really mad and the words roll on his tongue too fast for Jason to make sense of them, he only laughs and picks up the phone.

“It’s Jason.” He says, unpreoccupied.

“Jason, this is Bruce Wayne.”

He laughs, checks the number appearing on his screen and notices it actually says Private Number, then puts it against his ear again, leaves his cigarette on the coffee table and mouths sorry to Kyle, who is still cursing at him under his breath. He walks to the balcony and closes the door behind him. “What the fuck?”

“I understand you’re living with my son, Richard.”

“Look, old guy, Oliver tried to put this crap with me when Roy was living with me, I’m not making him leave.”

There’s a silence in the other side of the line and Jason thinks about hanging up. Is almost about to and then he listens to some papers shuffling. “You there, dude?”

“Yes, I am… You’re correct. Richard wouldn’t come back.”

“Well, no offense, but why the hell are we still talking?”

Bruce clears his throat. “I have a proposition.”

Rich people always do. They never have an idea or straight up ask for a favor — it’s always a proposition. Always something that should be good for both parts, or at least, that’s how they make it sound like. Jason fucking hates rich people. “I’m listening.”

“I understand Richard have given you more expenses than you’re used to–”

“Just shoot, old man, I don’t have all night.”

“I will pay for him to live with you.”

Jason laughs. Wishes he had brought the cigarette with him, because he definitely needs that now. “And what do I give you in return?”

“You keep my son safe.”

It sounds like complete bullshit. Capital letters and all. Everything on Jason’s brain warns him he is getting into something he shouldn’t — he didn’t do that with Roy. When Oliver called him, he told him to fuck himself, but Roy was his friend. Roy had came into his doorstep crying. Roy had slept into his bed and told him he was afraid of coming back home because of Oliver.

Dick didn’t mean anything to him.

“Deal.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm the worst and this took so goddamn long, i'm so sorry! thanks for all the comments in the first chapter, i might not have answered to them (i usually have no idea of what to say), but i adore each one of you and i hope you didn't give up on me and keep reading this mess of a story i love so much.

When Jason gets home, Dick is sleeping on the couch. He sleeps like a starfish, arms and legs everywhere and, even on the sloppiest of positions, he is still pretty. Jason can’t really blame Roy for having a crush on him since forever. The TV is on a cop tv show marathon and Jason turns it off, walks to the kitchen and gets himself a glass of juice.

_You keep my son safe_ , he hears Bruce’s voice on his head. He know’s it’s bullshit and their deal has probably more to do with something Bruce will ask of him later than with keeping his son safe and yet.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” He whispers under his breath, leaves the glass in the sink and walks to the living room, tries to wake his roommate up with no success, then just puts his arms across his shoulders and drags him to bed.

“Thanks, Alfred.” Dick mumbles while he gets comfortable in bed and Jason wonders if this should mean something to him.

 …………….

Bruce calls him again two weeks later. The phone rings and rings and rings, but Kyle has his cock on his mouth and he is just so pretty when he takes him like that.

Jason turns his phone off and moves his fingers on the dark curls of his ex-boyfriend’s hair.

…………….

Two days after, he calls again. Jason is at work and only sees it hours later.

He texts _sorry was working xx_ to him because he feels bad of bailing on Trying Too Hard To Be Dad Of The Year twice in a roll.

…………….

Jason is making dinner while listening to some catchy song on the radio when someone knocks on the door. He looks at his phone to check if Kyle decided to come in — they are not very good at this breaking up thing. Which, _he knows_ , is a problem. He also chooses to ignore it. There are no messages from Kyle, so he just goes and opens the door.

“Dick, I swear to fuck, how many times can you lose a k-”

“Jason.” The man at the door says. He is tall and broad and the magazine’s didn’t do him justice. Jason would say it runs in the family if Dick wasn’t adopted.

Maybe that’s a prerequisite to be adopted into the Wayne family. To be as gorgeous as their patron. “Dick isn’t home.”

“Precisely.” Bruce says, letting himself in as Jason stares at him. The house is a mess — it’s his day off and he decided he is allowed to relax sometimes, so he watched movies all day, had popcorn for breakfast and didn’t really change from his pajamas.

“Is now when you tell me what the deal is really about?”

Bruce arches one eyebrow. “I’m sorry, I don’t follow.”

“What do you really want? Want me to make his life hell so he’ll go back to your house?”

Bruce is unreadable. He doesn’t answer him right away, just walks towards the living room, looks at the messy couch for a second too long and then, decides he won’t sit. “I am just worried about his safety, if you want… To say good things about me, I’d appreciate, but I’m not here to ask you that.”

“And what are you here for?”

“I just want to see where my son lives.” He says and, somehow, Jason believes him.

…………….

“I made dinner.” Jason announces when Dick gets home from work.

He goes from tired to smiling and eyes glowing like the ocean on a sunny day in two seconds and Jason smiles back. He doesn’t hate Dick. He just wishes he wasn’t as irresponsible as he is. “What is it?”

“Rice, black beans and beef.” Jason says and sits on the couch. “My mom used to cook it when I was a child.”

“It smells nice.” Dick smiles again and Jason looks away.

“Can I ask you something?” He says once Dick sits at the table. Jason is still on the couch, but the apartment is small enough that it isn’t that big of a distance. Dick looks up and nods, eating the simpler meal he knows how to cook as if it’s a banquet.

“Why did you leave?”

Dick finishes eating, cleans up his mouth, but his expression is weird. Jason had never seen Dick look worried or anything like that even though they have been living together for two months now. “We had a fight. Me and Bruce.”

Jason thinks about asking more, but he doesn’t need to, because Dick keeps on talking. “My younger brother left home and Bruce was an asshole about it, when I tried to defend Tim, he just…”

He cleared his throat, just like Bruce had done earlier. “Bruce can be very scary when he thinks he is right. I don’t think he would have done anything, I trust my dad, but I realized that maybe Tim was right.”

“About leaving?” Jason asks and Dick just nods, drinks his juice. “Don’t you think you could have done it without a fight?”

He takes a deep breath and looks at Jason, his mouth curves on what would be a smile if it wasn’t so sad. “I’m very good at doing the wrong thing without thinking it through.”

…………….

Wally always seems to be on a sugar rush. The first days of Jason working at the pizza place with him, he thought about punching him in the face way too many times. He has no idea how they ended up being friends.

Probably because of Kyle. Or Roy.

All the good things in his life happened because of them, and Wally is a good thing, even though Jason won’t ever say it out loud. “I’m fucked.”

Wally takes a drag of his cigarette and smiles at him. “Thought that’s how you liked it.”

“You’re not funny.”

Wally smiles his fingers tapping on the wall behind them on the rhythm of a song Jason probably doesn’t know. He never knows anything. This conversation was supposed to be about Kyle. About how they broke up, about how he loves him, he just isn’t _in love_ with him anymore. It was supposed to be Wally teaching him how to break the heart he helped to mend, but once he starts talking it’s all about Dick and Bruce and how he wants to help and how doesn’t want to interfere.

“You know Dick is my friend.” Wally says once he stops talking and Jason closes his eyes because he knows. Maybe that’s why he started talking.

“You should figure your thing out with Kyle before doing anything.”

“I’m not… I don’t want Gr–”

“If you break his heart, Jay, I swear to God.”

And Jason swallows the bitter promise he knows will be truth _if_ he does that. A voice in his head corrects it to _when_ and he takes another drag of his already half-smoked cigarette.

…………….

Dick is full of quirks that Jason kind of wishes he didn’t pay attention to, like how hooked he is on every cop tv show ever made. He gets home from work and spreads himself in the couch, watches two or three episodes in a roll and only them decides to interact with Jason, who is usually cooking.

“You’re a good cook.” He says one day, Jason cooked pancakes for dinner because he was lazy and tired. Dick still thinks it’s the best thing in the world.

“I really am not.” Jason says, tries not to smile. Tries to remember everything Wally tells him when they’re on smoking break — which lately has become a therapy session about Jason’s messed up life. He knows he is fucked up when Wally West, of all people, is the one that gives him good advice.

Dick smiles and doesn’t really say anything. Out of the two of them, Jason is the only one that can cook and he gave up on not sharing his food once he realized that Dick would live out of cereal if no one told him to stop.

…………….

Tim calls Dick weekly. At first, they pretended everything was okay at all times. That they weren’t scared. That they knew what they were doing. Dick was the first one to break — of course. Tim was always the stronger of them.

“I think he’s going to leave me.” Tim says one day, his voice all muffled as it always is because he sold his old phone and bought a shitty one the first month he lived with M.

“What? Why?”

“I’m not really a good boyfriend.”

“That’s–” Bullshit, he wants to say, but he knows Tim. Sleep until three p.m. and is up all night little Timmy who reads too much and talks too little and has weeks in which he doesn’t really want to interact with anyone. He never really minded — it’s just Tim, his little brother. That’s how he has always been, but he can’t imagine how he much he wouldn’t know how to deal with that if he ever dated someone like him. On the other hand, he isn’t really boyfriend material either.

“Yeah.” He sounds all sad and lost. It's like a punch on Dick's face.

“You can stay here if you need, Jason won’t mind.”

…………….

“Jay.” Tim says, his lips quirking on a smile that Dick has never seen him wear before. It gives him a weird feeling on his stomach — like remembering that no matter how much you know a person, there’s always some part of them that is hidden. The taste on his lips is bitter, but it gets worse when he looks at Jason, who is smiling his own version of the same smile.

“Alvin, right?” He says and, somehow, Dick feels like he doesn’t belong to this conversation. He feels like running and leaving them alone. He just doesn’t know why.

“I never told you my name.” Tim says, licks his lips — another thing Dick has never seen him doing. Not like that. “It’s Tim.”

“Tim.” Jason repeats, meaningfully, and the way he looks at his little brother makes Dick want to break all his teeth with his fist. “Nice meeting you again.”

And then, finally, Dick _understands_.

…………….

“Stop looking at me like that.” Jason says, after Tim goes to sleep, leaving them alone. Dick arches his eyebrow, looking away from the tv — pretending he wasn’t checking on him by the corner of his eye.

“I’m not looking at you.”

“Right.” Jason takes a deep breath, like he’s trying to find a way to say something and Dick tries not to burn with anger. He’s been angry since he realized he had fucked his brother. “Look, I’m sorry about me and Tim, but that’s in the pas–”

“Shut up.”

“What?” Dick noticed a while ago that Jason is usually more polite with him, he isn’t sure why. It wasn’t like that in the beginning, but then the rent thing happened and maybe Jason realized what a failure he is, so he became more patient. They even talk sometimes — nothing much, nothing meaningful, but anything better than the previous silence. This politeness is not here now, not in the way that Jason moves to the edge of his seat and his eyes almost close, as if he’s thinking too hard about what to do next.

“I don’t care about who Tim is or was sleeping with.” It takes Jason by surprise, he can tell, because his expression turns into something confusing, before going back to the frightening one.

“Then what’s your fucking problem, Grayson?” He is on his feet before Dick notices and Dick follows. Jason is taller and broader and he could never take him on a fight, but that’s probably what’s about to happen here, he just isn’t sure why.

_What’s his fucking problem?_ Maybe it’s that he is a sorry excuse for an adult with a shitty job on a shitty gym and a boss that hates him. Maybe it’s that he hasn’t seen Roy in weeks because he and Kori are on a tour and, of course, he took Donna with him. Maybe it’s how he and Wally haven’t really talked because he has his older boyfriend — and what the fuck is the thing with having older boyfriends now?

“You.” Is what comes out, instead and Jason is as surprised as he is with the answer, because he chuckles. Like Dick is a joke.

“I’m your problem? Why?”

And, maybe, his answer should come in words and not lips and teeth and the desperate way he clashes his mouth on his. How he sucks on Jason’s perfect lips and tastes beer and cigarettes and safety. Jason’s hands hold him by his waist and their bodies fit somehow and Dick kisses him and kisses him and kisses him.

When they stop to breathe, Jason has his eyes closed, but Dick is looking at him. “I can leave on Monday.” He says, even though he can’t.

And Jason kisses him again, pushes him against the couch and, somehow, Dick knows that’s how he should stay.

…………….

They slept after making out for what it seemed like forever and Jason wakes up with swollen lips and the weight of Dick Grayson over him, all spread like a starfish, and he, surprisingly, doesn’t mind. He opens his eyes slowly, trying not to think too much about it all meant.

When he does, first thing he sees is Tim up against the wall drinking juice and looking straight at him. He opens his mouth to say something, but the way Tim is looking makes him shut up before even making a sound.

“You’re fucked.” Tim says.

And Jason closes his eyes as Dick moves on top of him, kisses his neck and sleeps more. Yes. Yes, he is fucked.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm also surprised it didn't take me as much to update this time. and also this chapter is a little longer than the usual - a lot happens and it might feel a little rushy because of it (it sure as hell felt like this to me), but i couldn't break into two chapters because i'm messy and knew It All Had To Happen Now. the rating will probably change to explicit at some point. sorry. i guess.)  
> again, thanks for all the comments, i'm not used to have this much of them and i'm in heaven. you're all great. :))

This is how it usually goes for Dick: they kiss, they fuck, they kiss some more, he gets attached. Too attached. He panics. He leaves without saying goodbye. Sometimes it takes him two years to leave, sometimes it takes him two days. Dick is an inconstant of constants, but he can never learn. He looks at Jason in the kitchen, unaware of his presence and he feels his body sink. He feels his skin shiver with the memory of his kisses and his teeth and his hands and his tongue, and his tongue, and his tongue. Jason smells like the tropical weather and it’s all over him, on his clothes, on his skin.

He feels like running.

Then Jason looks at him, smiles a little shy and he had never seen that. How his lips curl like an apology, even though the way he looks at him is the most pure form of sin. Jason is a mosaic.

And he still feels like running, but he always liked detective stories. He likes when he solves the puzzle before Sherlock Holmes does. He likes the way Jason walks up to him, holds his chin and kisses him without asking any questions.

His feet feel like race, but his hands tug on Jason’s shirt and suddenly he doesn’t mind the smell on him anymore.

…………….

“Dick doesn’t really do relationships” Tim says. Jason knows they’re not actually related, Dick never hid the fact that he and his brother were adopted, only the other one — Dominic or Daniel or one of those names that actually doesn’t fit kids, but rich people love to curse their children with — is actually Bruce’s son, but something in the way Tim presents himself is so much like his older brother. They might not share the same blood, but they do share everything else.

Jason licks his lips. “Is that a warning for me to back off?” He half expects a warning, but he gets a laugh as an answer.

“I’m not here to tell you what to do, really.” Tim looks at him and he feels exposed. As if his blue eyes can see more of what he should see, he looks away, finishes his energy drink. “But I know you so I’m warning you, that’s all.”

“You don’t know me, we fucked once.”

Tim smiles at his answer. “I meant that you’re Connor’s friend.”

Jason would blush if he had any shame left, but he just gets up and leaves him there. Wally gives him a look when he crosses the street to go to the pizza place and their little therapy session on the smoking break takes so long it almost gets both of them fired.

…………….

Truth is, Jason knew he was fucked before Tim ever warned him. The moment he sucked on Dick’s tongue and he heard that pretty little moan and thought it was too nice to only be heard once, it was lost. So he did again and again and again until he was intoxicated by it, by how responsive he was, by how soft his skin was, by how shameless he was when he was pleading. _Don’t stop_ , he cried and Jason didn’t stop until they were both undone.

When he slept that night, his dreams were haunted by his voice. _Don’t stop, don’t stop, don’t stop._ And, even on his dreams, it was easy to comply to it. To keep going and going and going.

…………….

“I thought Jason hated you.” Roy says at lunch, when Dick checks his phone for the fourth time. Dick smiles a little sheeply, puts his phone down and mouths _Sorry_ before drinking the rest of his juice. “You know, there was a question in there.” Roy looks at him, waiting.

“He might hate me.” Dick feels uncomfortable. He never cared Jason hated him, never cared for Jason at all and then all he could think was if his lips tasted as sweet as they looked.

“Jaybird is my friend, you know.” Roy starts and Dick feels like he is sinking. “If you’re going to fuck this up, don’t even start.”

“I didn’t start a thing.” He answers, defensive and Roy just sighs and points to his phone. “The guy you didn’t start a thing with just answered.”

Dick shouldn’t get his phone this fast, but he does. All Jason sent was an emoji, even so he smiles a little too brightly.

“You’ll fucking break his heart.” Roy warns and Dick smiles, tries to pretend he doesn’t care.

“Not if he breaks mine first.”

…………….

Jason gets home before Dick on Tuesdays since Donna got him a job at the pub she works at night. He isn’t really sure how Dick even keeps his job, considering he usually gets home with a lazy smiles that is two shots away from being drunk and stumbles on everything before he hides on his room as if Jason won’t notice the smell of alcohol and perfume that follows him. He puts box of the cereal Dick likes on the cabinet as if it means nothing and then turns to his phone, there’s another text from Kyle that he’s too much of a coward to answer. He tells himself they ended things months ago and it’s time to move on, even though all they did was agree they had broken up and then never change their routine.

He looks at his phone for an awfully long time deciding in between answering something to Kyle or maybe texting Wally, even though he knows is too busy with his pilot boyfriend, or even calling Connor, who he hasn’t talked to in months.

What he gets, thought, is a text from Dick. _u home?_

 _Yes. Forgot your keys?_ He answers, without giving a second thought. He tries not to ponder about how this shouldn’t be this easy, just stares at his phone waiting for an answer. He still didn’t save Dick’s number. He thinks he is safe like that.

_u smart ;)_

When he opens the door, Dick is smiling a little more lazily than he usually does when he goes to the pub. “No costumers today.” He says, his voice a little rasp. “So we turned it into a Karaoke.”

Jason can’t help but smile, opening the door a little more so he can get in. “You should have been there.” He says, his breath smells like alcohol and his tongue is blue, like that new drink Donna made up that tastes like blueberry and gets you drunk way too fast.

“Next time.” Jason lies and Dick smiles because he believes him. He kisses his jaw slowly, tracing it with his soft lips and Jason closes his eyes. “You’re very drunk.”

“So?” Dick says, bites on his neck hard enough that Jason moans a little, tugs on his shirt and curses every drop of decency he has left because, fuck, he wants nothing more than to push Dick against the wall and get on his knees for him, kiss his skin until he begs and, finally, rim him like no one ever did. Until he cries out and comes undone with his tongue only.

But he is drunk.

And Jason is a mess.

“So, not today.” Jason manages to say, opening his eyes a little and holding his chin so that he can look at him. “Not yet.”

Dick licks his lips and he knows it is an invitation, for all that the blue eyed boy doesn’t know how to behave in the real world, he knows in bed. It’s like he owns it, everything he does is obscene and Jason smiles because he has to do something with his mouth. “You better be good.” He says.

“I better.” Jason laughs and Dick takes a step back, puts his hand on the wall to steady himself and walks slowly to his bedroom.

“You know what I’ll do now.” Another invitation.

“Yes.” Jason says like a curse and Dick keeps looking at him, waiting. “I’ll be listening.”

Dick shows his middle finger to him before he slams the door. When he touches himself, though, he is loud enough that Jason would probably listen to it even if he wasn’t home. And when Jason jerks off to the sound of his moans, he makes sure not to be loud. Not to lose their game.

…………….

“How are things with Richard?” Bruce’s voice sound tired on the phone, but he always calls at the same time every friday and expects Jason to give a report on his son’s life. He does that. Used to do that. It’s been two weeks since he started lying.

Somehow, he thinks Bruce knows. “He’s fine.”

“Fine?” He asks. Firm, but also polite.

“Yeah, nothing much happened, he’s just trying to get used to the new life.”

Jason hears something he thinks it’s _He shouldn’t have to_ and the way Bruce says it breaks his heart a little, so he doesn’t ask him to repeat, just keeps the conversation going until he can finally hang up and feel like shit for the rest of the day.

…………….

“It’s impossible you forget your keys this much!” Jason opens the door, but he isn’t really mad. There’s a playful smile on his face that slowly fades away when he sees his ex-boyfriend standing on his door, his clothes all dirty with paint. “Oh.” He manages to say.

“You stopped answering my texts.” Kyle says and it sounds rehearsed, as if he tried it in front of the mirror again and again, like Jason saw him doing many times before. Mostly when he had done something wrong at work and had to talk to John the next day.

“Sorry, I… Things got complicated.” He leans on the door and half-wishes he had rehearsed that too. The first time they broke up it had been on a fight so he didn’t think much, just said what he was feeling at the moment. He knew he broke Kyle’s heart and he had no idea why he kept coming back, but he was so scared of doing it one more time, of seeing his face hurt like that again that he let it happen.

“You said that before.” Kyle says, smiling a little, but it ends on his lips. It doesn’t reverberates to his eyes or voice, both of those are scared. He takes a step forward and Jason knows what he will do before he does, still he lets him, he feels his lips on his and doesn’t kiss his back, grabs his wrists as gently as he can. “Don’t do this.” Kyle says, his voice so low that Jason can only hear it because they’re inches away.

“Sorry.” He says again and he means it. “I’m so sorry.”

When Kyle holds him, it feels heavy and it feels worse than if he had punched him in the balls, spit on his face, called him a coward, because despite it all, he hugs him as if Jason is the only thing he has in the world. He doesn’t say anything, just cries and cries and cries until the tears stop coming and he is dry crying and Jason’s shirt is all wet and he finally breaks from the hug.

“I’m sorry.” Jason says again and Kyle looks at him, doesn’t even try to smile.

“You should never… Stay with someone out of pity.”

“I loved you.” He defends himself, but his voice is weak and he knows he lost.

“No, I did.”

When Kyle leaves, he is sure he’d rather he had punched him in the face.

…………….

On Sunday, when Guy Gardner does punch him in the face, he regrets ever wishing it.

…………….

“What the fuck?” Dick says, getting up from the couch. A horrified look in his face that proves to Jason that Guy has a mean left hook. And that Jason should have punched back, which he didn’t because he knows he deserved it. And would have deserved another one. And another. Dick tries to touch his swollen skin, but Jason flinches a little. “Who did this?”

“It doesn’t matter.” Jason says and tries to smile a little, even though it kind of hurts.

Dick leaves him and gets back with a bag of ice, which he places on his bruises. Not carefully at all. Jason has to guide his hands the second time, so he won’t tear up in front of his roommate. “I could beat him up.” Dick says, smiles a little, even though his eyes are still a little scared, a little worried.

“You wouldn’t hurt a fly.” Jason tries not to laugh or to look at him too much. This is a dangerous zone and he knows it, but his hand is still on top of his holding the bag of ice. Their fingers hurting a little from the cold, but none of them moving.

“I can fight.” Dick says. “Bruce took me to classes when I was a kid, a lot of people tried to bully the kid that came from the circus.”

“Circus?” Jason smirks, looking at him. “That explains… _A lot_.”

“I feel like there’s an insult in there”

“I was thinking about the flexibility.” Jason tries to sound casual, but he isn’t. Teasing Dick is a less dangerous zone than Dick trying to protect him, he decides.

His roommate smiles, his blue eyes light up a little bit. “Not that you’ve enjoyed it that much.”

“Yet.” Jason says and Dick rolls his eyes.

“I hate you.” He says and Jason laughs.

“Yeah, me too.” He lies, wishing it was truth when the phone in his pocket vibrates and, without checking the time, he knows it’s Bruce. Punctual as always, waiting for his report about Dick’s weekend. He turns his phone off and kisses Dick slowly, trying to erase the bitter taste that’s on his mouth.

…………….

“Hello” Damian’s voice is a little muffled on the line and Dick has to hug his pillow to avoid sinking in. He ignores the tears that stream down his cheeks because the moment he acknowledge then, he will be gone. And knowing his little brother, he is sure he will be gone too.

“Hi, little guy.” He says, smiling, tries to pretend this is just like that time he and Roy went to the Philippines visit Garth and he could only talk to Damian through the phone. That time in which he would come back.

“I’m not that small.” His brother starts, his voice still muffled. Dick can listen to Titus barking in the back and he smiles at that, smiles because Damian isn’t entirely alone. “I grew an entire inch since you’ve left.”

“I didn’t–” He starts, but his voice betrays him and he can’t lie. Not to Damian, only to himself.

“Father said you abandoned us.” Dick’s heart feel so tight on his chest he bites his lip, afraid to open his mouth and have the tears he refuse to acknowledge turn into sobs. Into the sound that has become his lullaby since he moved out. Left. _Ran away._

“Have you heard from Drake?” Damian keeps talking to the silence, trying to get some sort of reaction from him.

Dick wipes his tears and his voice sounds small, fragile, when he finds it, but at least it is something. “He’s fine.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?” He plays the fool. He has always been good at playing the fool, but Damian doesn’t fall for it. Dick swears the kid has an old soul — out of the four of them, he has always been the best. He has always been the one who knew what he was doing. Him, Tim and Bruce just pretend.

And he doesn’t even pretend that well.

“I’m– not entirely okay.” He admits, because telling the truth to his thirteen year old brother over the phone on a clandestine call is easier than admitting it to himself. He’s pathetic, has always been pathetic.

“That’s all of us.” The wisest of them says and Dick chuckles, but it sounds desperate. When you hurt so much you can’t stop laughing because your body is a traitor, because screaming would be too loud.

“I guess so, little brother, I guess so.”

Damian clicks his tongue again and there’s a sound in the back. “I have to hung up.” He starts and Dick knows the sentence is not over, he waits in the line to hear the rest, but all he is left with is the silence when his brother hangs up.

“Love you too.” He answers what he knows the silence means, and lets the sob come in. All the ugly truths come over him like a tide. He is not entirely okay, hasn’t been for a while now. When he was home, on the ugly nights, he could go to the kitchen and Alfred would make him pancakes. They wouldn’t talk — he never asked any questions, but it helped him get better. Feel steady.

…………….

He opens the door to try and make some pancakes to himself, but it’s all dark. He can listen to Jason snoring from his room and a tiny smile appears on his face. He shouldn’t, he will fuck this up or Jason will fuck this up, it doesn’t matter who will do it, only that it will happen and that his problem will still remain. He will still have everyone taking care of him all the time. Roy, Donna, Wally, Garth, Barbara, Jason, Damian, Tim, Helena.

He is twenty two and feels completely unable of being alone for too long.

And his younger brothers know better than he does.

He is at the door before he realizes what he’s doing, waits for the broken elevator long enough that he feels like a dumbass for not realizing it broke down again. He takes the stairs and, when he opens the door, he is welcomed by an older guy. His long hair tied on a stupid ponytail, Dick wants to mock it, but he also wears an eyepatch, an ugly scar on his face that the píece of leather can’t hide entirely. 

He looks at Dick meaningfully, but doesn’t say anything, just takes a drag of his cigarette.

“Do you have… One of those?” The guy doesn’t say anything, just arches his eyebrow. “I mean, would you borrow a cigarette?”

He gives him a cigarette and a lighter, Dick is glad he doesn’t have to ask for it as well. “You’re Todd’s new guy.” When he speaks, his voice is just like Dick thought it would be, it’s feral, like a roar. He is too intimidated by it, so he just nods.

“You look like you need to talk, I’m not a psychologist.” He starts and Dick smiles at that. He is not used at people being rude to him — even less when he hadn’t given them a reason. It’s weird and it feels more real than his entirely life has for the past few months.

“Just needed to breathe.”

They stay in silence for a while, Dick tasting the bitter nicotine on his tongue and tries to not think, but the words betray him and come out. “I just feel like I don’t know who I am, like I was made and molded into something, but it’s like I’m a shell, you know?”

The guy doesn’t say anything, so he keeps going. “I’m the son my father wanted and when I showed him I wasn’t just that, that I had my own way of seeing things, shit blew up and now it’s like I’m floating because if I’m not what he wants me to be, then who am I?”

“I wouldn’t even have a place to live if it wasn’t handed to me.” He laughs pathetically. The guy throws his cigarette butt on the ground and steps on it, the silence lingers on a little bit longer and Dick is starting to feel small again.

“I said I wasn’t a psychologist.” It’s all he says for a while, but when Dick looks up, the guy is looking at him. Analyzing him. He feels naked the way people usually describe it feels, the uncomfortable way, the way he hasn’t known until now. “You’re telling me you’re a spoiled little brat that ran from home because you couldn’t handle daddy not patting you in the back for once?”

It feels like a punch, but he nods.

“Own it.” He says and Dick widens his eyes. Playing the fool now would probably earn him a well deserved punch, so he just nods.

“Thank you.” He manages to say, throwing his half-smoked cigarette in the ground and stepping on it. The guy looks at him like he has some kind of damage — which isn’t entirely untruth and nods.

“I’m Slade.” He says. Dick has heard the name before, he’s their landlord.

“Dick.” He regrets saying it right away, because Slade doesn’t even try to hold his laugh.

“That’s fitting.”

…………….

Dick goes back home, but doesn’t go to his room. He counts to ten and enters Jason’s room, he wishes he could say his snores were some kind of symphony, but they’re actually kind of annoying. He lays on his bed anyway, pushing the covers over him as he gets closer to his roommate, holding him from the back.

“What are you doing?” Jason half-asks half-mumbles, his voice as sleepy as he looks and it’s hard not to smile or feel like a total asshole. He decides he will be the one to fuck this up because all Jason does is moving a little, shifting their body closer to him as if they do this all night. As if cuddling is just a thing that always happens. “You smell like cheap cigarettes.”

Dick holds him a little tighter, proposes his chin on the space in between his neck and his shoulders and breathes him in. “You smell like the beach.”

Jason laughs a little raspy, Dick knows he should feel bad for waking him up, but this is the sound he needed to hear. “Cheesy fucker.”

“Roy thinks I’ll break your heart.” His voice is a whisper, a confession. Because maybe he doesn’t want to do it. Maybe he doesn’t want to do what his legs have been desperately begging him to.

It takes Jason a long time to answer, Dick even thinks he slept and is a little surprised when he hears an answer. “I’ll break yours first.”

Dick smiles, unaware. “Is that a competition?” But this time Jason doesn’t answer it even though it’s a long time before the snores take over the room. Dick sleeps to the sound of it anyway.

…………….

The sound of a phone ringing pushes him away from his dreams — not nightmares for the first time in a long time. He opens his eyes slowly, making sense of the scene, of the body next to him. He kisses Jason’s tanned skin and looks around for his phone, only to find it is dead because, of course, he forgot it needed to be charged.

“Fuck.” he mouths, the phone still ringing. He didn’t know Jason was such a heavy sleeper, he always thought that, in between them, would be him. It’s a nice surprise. 

The caller is a protected number which isn’t unusual to him, he is completely used to that, Bruce’s number appear like that on his phone as well. Maybe Jason has another rich friend, considering Roy and him, it’s like he has a type. “Hey, Jason’s asleep.” His voice sounds like he didn’t entirely wake up.

“Richard?” The voice on the other end of the line breaks his heart and his thoughts are a constellation of questions and nights crying and the last time he saw his father’s face. The fire on his eyes, the way it made Dick feel small. How he shrinked in front of him.

He turns off the phone before he can come up with a reason why he would be calling Jason. _Not him, not him, not him, not him, not him._

He looks at him and Jason’s expression is a shattered glass. “I can explain.”

This time, when his legs beg for him to run, he does it. He walks away from the boy that he thought might be his salvation so fast his muscles burn. He walks and walks and walks and walks and he is back at Roy’s doorstep.

 _Own it._ He listens to Slade’s voice on his head so he walks away.

…………….

_You’re telling me you’re a spoiled little brat that ran from home because you couldn’t handle daddy not patting you in the back for once?_

…………….

The Wayne Enterprises are on an imposing building on the heart of Gotham. From Bruce’s office you can see the bay and that was Dick’s favorite thing about his father’s office while growing up. Well, that and the amount of couches he could jump on — he has always been an acrobat at heart. He grew up in between those walls, running on those hallways while everyone ran after him. For his ten year old self, it was a game; for all the adults trying to catch him, it wasn’t much like it.

It was probably their job.

When he arrives at the front desk, a redheaded girl looks at his clothes first. He is wearing baggy pants and a GU shirt from before he dropped out of college, everyone around him is on suits and expensive clothing. He can hear the click of high heels against the floor — so clean he can see his reflection there. The woman only smiles when she sees his face.

Richard Grayson-Wayne. Everyone around him knows _who_ he is.

“I’d like to talk to my father.”


End file.
